I don’t have much to say. It’s kind of like when you are about to eat something that you have high expectations for. Upon putting it in your mouth, you find that it is lacking.😕
My friend Christine always reminds that tomorrow is a new day. It’s good advice. Thank you friend.
In 100 years I hope that humans look back at the rampant prescribing of substances, especially psych meds, as wildly irresponsible.
Buddhist statues and iconography have a clear lock on adoption by non-practitioners of a religion.
It is important to arrive at a point where you realize what you do not want to be. It may be equally as important and establishing what you want to become.
The tremendously important shift from the analog to digital paradigm has really just begun. It’s effects grow exponentially, with no stop in sight.
People love watching Murder Shows.
We could all benefit from asking each other important questions in an effort to draw parallels and I derstand differences.
Commercials on television are banana-pants!
My cat, Jasper, is a toothless weirdo.
There’s no good reason why we cannot wish the best for each other.
PTSD is insidious.
It’s time for bed.
I’m grateful.
✌🏼🤙🏼
Today I went to the May 2023 installment of the Brimfield Antique Fair. It is a large open-air market featuring vendors ranging from basic flea market fair up to high-end vintage home furnishings. It’s a scene man, and if you enjoy flea markets even a little bit, it’s well worth a yearly visit.
I saw a lot of things. I bought a lot of metal street signs. A recent artistic pasión finds me using enamel paints to present abstract expression/graffiti-themed work on metal signage of all sorts. It’s worth looking at, which is all that can really be said of valid artwork.
As my friend Christine and I were leaving the market, I noticed a Sedge Hat and it seemed appropriate to have her take a photo of me wearing it. Afterwards, the vendor offering the hat for sale approached me and asked me, rather directly, to pay him $5 for it. The hat was damaged, I already own one, and I had no money for a damaged Sedge Hat. I told him I would have to pass. He then aggressively asked me to delete the photo and began muttering about “tourists” using his crappy wares as props. It was a bum-out way to end the day. Sorry your wares suck Cranky Vendor Guy. I humbly offer you a bit of advice: Don’t verbally assault customers.
Anyways. A nice day was had by all, I accrued more signage, ate flea market food and got my steps in.
It’s apparent to me that one day I wi likely end up being forced to sell my hoard to the highest bidder at markets like Brimfield. I need to remember not to confront potential customers fueled by my own dissatisfaction with life. 😊✌🏼
I already fell off and missed a day, maybe two, in my obviously feeble attempt to keep a daily web log. I hope I haven’t let anyone down except myself. 😅
What I need is content. Yeah, that’s it. I need to drive more traffic to my site using unique and edgy content. Motivated by that plan, I present to you:
I was riding the commuter rail from Boston to Ayer on the last train out of the city. The car was empty. I had spent the day dancing and doing drugs at a day-party on the Charles River. As the train was nearing my station I went to wait in the vestibule between cars. It became apparent to me that the train was not going to stop in Ayer. As the car pulled away from the platform without stopping I panicked. In a slightly altered state I opened the exit door and jumped off the train and tried to roll in an effort to stick the landing. I severely sprained my ankle and my knee was very swollen. I had to use a cane for a month.
While working on my first house I was gutting a bathroom. For whatever reason, I decided to punch the wall in an effort to remove a piece of tile. I sliced my knuckle open and bled everywhere. I decided not to get stitches and my hand was wrapped in a bandage for at least 6 weeks.
I lived at White Owl Farm in Tyngsboro one Spring. I was turning soil in an herb garden with a spade g fork while barefoot. I drove the tool directly through my foot and had to go to the ER where they forced saline through my foot. The wound became infected and I walked with a limp for the entire spring and summer.
On several occasions I have isolated myself while binge drinking and watching g television while laying in bed. Sometimes this has lasted for weeks. The last time this happened I wound up in the hospital for 14 days. My kidney and pancreas were shutting down and I contracted pneumonia.
I became so inebriated once that I couldn’t manage to climb a flight of stairs in my home. I tried for what felt like an hour. The last attempt was marked by my falling down the flight of stairs and putting my head through a one of glass in my front door. I knocked myself out and a friend felt forced to call 911.
I lived in a large warehouse space in my early 20’s. My nipples were pierced with hoops. While running around like a maniac one night I ended up catching one of the hoops on a bolt protruding from the wall. The piercing was torn out and now one of my nipples is forked.
I continue to regularly burn my mouth while trying to eat food U have made. For whatever reason I am unable to allow the meal time to cool.
One time, for some unknown reason, I put my fist through a pane of glass. I sliced my hand deeply and was forced to endure bandages for well over a month.
While painting under a bridge one night a freight train began passing by. I became alarmed and thought I needed to flee. I decided to jump through the space between train cars. I leapt into the coupling joint two of the cars. I them tried to leap again onto the ground on the other side. I did not land well and I slammed my face on the gravel.
During my freshman year at college I began having regular nights dominated by binge drinking. On one occasion I drank so much that I passed out in a snowball and urinated with my clothing on. Luckily, a friend discovered me and brought me inside to thaw and clean myself up. It took me hours to warm up and I felt tremendous shame.
Well, that was easy - maybe too easy. 🤔
Today I had the day off. When you are an adult without staff and work 6 days a week, you spend your days off working, lest your home fall i to disrepair and slovenliness. That sentence was too long.
I found it disappointing that mid-day, when I was poised to spend a couple hours painting, (for artistic purposes), my body wanted me to nap. So I napped.
If this isn’t boring, I do t know what… My cat is purring loudly and pacing around my bed. His name is Jasper. While cat sitting g him his owner overdosed on heroin. All of a sudden I had an obnoxious cat named Jasper. He has no teeth. My last cat was missing an eye. I have two sugar gliders and one of them is also missing an eye. I seem to have a thing for handicapped pets. I wonder if a therapist would find that to be I retesting. 🤔
🤔 - that is definitely my favorite emoji. I even reference it I conversation and letters composed on paper. I wonder what a therapist would make of that. 🤔
Where was I? Right, my cat purring in bed. Every night before bed it has become custom for me to brush this cat vigorously for at least 5 minutes. If bed time is late he comes to find me wherever I am I the house and begins demanding I come to bed and brush him. It makes me feel a little kept. Christine told me that dogs have human owners and cats think they own their humans. There seems to be truth to that. Christine is my dear friend and we own a business together. We flip houses and I branded us “Flip Kids”. The name seemed cute. It raises eyebrows sometimes.
I clearly do not have much to say. Apologies if you feel like I have wasted your time. I’ve committed to making an entry here every day. Tomorrow will be extra clever. 🤔
I hate going to bed angry. Angry covers a whole range of emotions that span from feelings that arise from getting a paper cut to deep, dark depressive states. It’s nice to fall asleep with even the faintest glimmer of hope that tomorrow will be a brand new day - free of anchors and handicaps, real or imagined.
These are the things I did wrong today:
I wasn’t always honest. There is the generally accepted glossing-over of life that basically has no consequence, then there is “actual” dishonesty that involves deception. This includes not telling the whole truth. It is my feeling that honesty with others and yourself is the best policy. It provides the smoothest ride, and makes life better.
I became overly defensive during a heated exchange. This is a bad habit of mine. When cornered, or during arguments, I tend to act defensively and take that stance. Honestly, I’ve become quite good at it. However, that tact often convolutes discussions. It also almost guarantees that those involved will begin further, more heated arguing. It’s pointless and rarely solves anything.
I didn’t take the best care of myself.
I acted selfishly.
I’m sure there were more transgressions. Those are what have me going to bed with the vague sense that there are unfulfilled resolutions.
The best I can do is to learn and make apologies where they are warranted, and try life again tomorrow. For that opportunity, I am grateful.
good night friend
✌🏼🤙🏼
I watch too much TV. Rather, it is entirely possible that I find myself in a room with a screen streaming broadcast content far more often than what would be considered healthy. 80% of the time I am doing something else simultaneously, usually painting. A lot of my work involves incredible attention to detail. I wear lenses with strong magnification and a head lamp. I focus, but “the TV” is on. This allows my mind to wander in a unique way. For that I am blessed. Some very important streams of thought have flowed inside of that space. Most of the thoughts are like clouds though - ethereal, passing, made of vapor and of little importance.
Right now I’m in bed. I’m blogging in bed and now I should sleep. I’d like to think that blogs are of more importance than clouds and forgettable passing thoughts. This Modern World. TikTok makes me want to die. A room without a screen broadcasting unnerves me. I think I broke my brain.
goodnight brain. sleep sweet. 😴
So, I was planning all week on going old-school and starting a blog. Naturally I got mired in details in an apparent effort to sabotage myself. ADHD is real everyone. The fight is real. I think I’m joking. I get confused easily too. I’m mostly starting a blog so I stop bothering my friends with inane texts. People have stopped answering and I’m sure Ihave lost friends due to my pathetic understanding of Modern Phone Etiquette. Decisions need to be made when starting a blog. I’ve decided that because likely no one including myself will read this I have decided to forgo formatting or Amy real editing - anything to make this easy enough to make this a habituated activity.
There will be paragraphs. I’m not a total savage. I cannot guarantee that they will always make sense. We will have fun. Let’s see what happens.
✌🏼🤙🏼😬